Rashly Madison

“The hacking and posting on the Dark Web of 32 million users of the cheating website, Ashley Madison, whose tagline is ‘Life is Short, Have an Affair,’ is expected to cause marital turmoil, breakups and even extortion…

I knew before we sat down. She had that look in her eye. I thought she must have gone in the garage and seen my third $400 Callaway driver this season, but that would have warranted a nasty text and a withering review of my rising handicap. A sit down? On a Tuesday? I was in trouble. This was bad.

“Let’s not waste time, I have to meet with my lawyer in an hour. You’ve read about the hacking. That must have made you pretty nervous. I found your name and email. And I got into your account.”

“How did you know the password?”

“Child’s play. You combined your birthdate and One Direction. What other grown man listens to them?”

“I don’t know what to say. Something came over me when I turned 45. This overwhelming dread of the desultory, this fear of living without passion day after day.”

“I get it. It’s been a long time. I don’t blame you a bit.”

“Really? That’s very kind of you in an eerily calm, freaking- me -out- here –way.”

“You think I haven’t filled out a profile? But I just wasn’t ready.”

“You did? Well that’s not cool at all. That is unacceptable.”

“Oh, but it’s okay for you? Wanderlust is a “guy” thing? You hypocrite.”

“No, you shouldn’t have told me, that’s uncool. The whole biz model is that it’s anonymous, so nobody knows, nothing in your world changes. I didn’t tell you I was on it, you found out because they got hacked. You told me! That’s much worse. And I didn’t do anything anyway. I never even got a response.”

“That’s because you don’t have an engineering degree and you’ve only been in one industry.”

“What?”

“And I just hope your boss doesn’t find out. They said they’d have it secure within a few hours.”

“My boss…okay you lost me.”

“I lost you? Keep up, the job site you posted your resume on without telling your wife you were unhappy at work was hacked… They posted everyone’s ID online. Millions of workers their companies thought were secure are now exposed. I hope your boss doesn’t access the list on the dark web.”

“Oh…yes. Yes the “Job Site.” Yes, I sure hope he doesn’t see that. Uh, not to go all ADHD on you, why are you going to a lawyer?”

“Why do I bother syncing our calendars? My Uncle’s Probate hearing is at 2 pm. I have to go.”

“Oh I’m so relieved. I mean…grieved, I miss your Uncle so much. So are we good? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Honey, how many times have I told you? You want to make a job change? You want it to be confidential. Use a good headhunter. No one hacks a headhunter.”